Last night, having nothing else to do... I sent an Instant Message to Alan over AIM... I saved the text of our chat so I won't go into it here, but he was cordial and said it was ok. (everyone knows it's impossible to figure out tone from an IM or email)... He apologized for not replying to my email YET - but that he had a huge amount when he came home. I just said that email can be overwhelming...(he didn't say if he'd read them or not!) By YET - does he mean that he's working his way through them slowly and plans to reply??
He told me his mother had fallen and broken some ribs, and that he'd been mostly at her house all week. We talked a bit about his stock holdings, and I told him what was going on at Keane... and I signed off by saying that I hoped we'd chat again - that I was always online, and he said OK, and that he was "glad I wasn't IM spam"... ha ha... I should have said thank you but I didn't. I did say that "I knew he was a nice guy", in response to him saying that his mother is always volunteering him to help people out.
I had just earlier that night emailed Barbara Wiener to get the scoop on him (she always knows the scoop) and she said that he volunteers at Bingo and is always very friendly and that she thinks he must date because he has made references to girlfriends...(I wonder what they are like..).. She said she'd be glad to "carefully" mention me to him... I told her that if she did, be very careful, and just casually ask him if he'd gotten to know me on the trip...and see what he thought... I mean really - what DO I want???? What if I see him again and realize "oy, what was I thinking???" or we go out once and it's awful... I fantasize about being with him.. is that just wierd? I am afraid that if the Rabbi says something too, things will get out awkward. believe me - he's not clueless - he must know by now that I am interested... if he read my emails, anyway...
Last night chatting w/ him, I felt like I was in the movie "You've Got Mail"... except that I already knew who he was. It did feel funny, making benign chit chat..he volunteered the info about his mother - I didn't ask, so I think that counts for something... I actually ended it, not wanting to be a pain... but how well do I know him, really? and why am I just meeting him now if he's belonged to the temple for four years???
Oh well, it made me feel better, but now I doubt I'll hear from him again, and I will see him on May 26 at the Brotherhood service. Maybe THAT week, I'll send him an IM. But NOT before... it's not fair that I always have to chase men -- for just ONCE, I want one to chase ME. On the trip, without really trying or faking it, I think I was a nice, friendly, funny person who led sing alongs and asked him questions and engaged him in conversation - when we were out shopping (me, alice, rabbi and alan) he and I showed each other stuff and talked a lot. We laughed at the Seder Plate that said "Arsley" on Ben Yehuda street. It felt good walking along with him as it was just the 4 of us... that couldn't have been lost on him, could it? I remember the first time he tapped on the arm to show me something, I was surprised.. I think that was in the hotel gift shop...
Well I'm just using this to vent and it helps me feel better. It's only been slightly over a week since we got back, for goodness sake... he's got a life... I suppose I always figure the more life they have, the less they want me! but it's good that he does have a life and girlfriends...see how can I be friends w/ a guy, or have a nice casual relationship if I get like this over a stupid IM session!! waaaah!!! Off to weight watchers - I must lose more by 5/26!
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