Eric

So today Eric offered to let me use the gym in his building since Rte 1 is closed due to the heavy rains. Afterwards, I went up to his place and we just sat and talked for a while...I made a very big mistake the other night, telling him that a guy on my trip lived in his bldg and that I was kind of interested in him. I mean that was a BIG mistake... although at the time Eric said he was ok w/ it.

Eric was talking about how he wishes he didn't have to work - he'd still be so busy. And I said, your twin lives in the bldg, he doesn't work and he takes care of his mother... And Eric said "you know, you can't date my twin... I couldn't deal w/ that..." and I said don't worry, he;'s not interested, we're not going to date, blah blah.. and Eric started telling me how much he loves me and how I'm his best friend, etc etc... and he said - but you know, sex is part of the relationship too. I said, I know.. I do want sex. And he said "but you didn't like it with me, did you?" - I said I can't explain it... there's too much resentment for all the things we fought about (most but not all of which I do not remember.. but some included drinking, Debbie, birth control, honesty, the way he saw the world, etc..)... I know he has changed a lot, but I cannot drum up those feelings for him, no matter how easy it would be if I could... I was so unhappy once with him.. what am I supposed to do now??

And when I finally left, with him - he was going shopping - I saw Alan's RX7 right there a few spaces from us.... grrr... He could have come home at that time and seen us, or he could have seen me waiting for Eric in my car. I think he knows I have a mini - I wonder if he thought it might be mine... GRRRRRR... I told Eric that I am totally fucked up... he said right, that's why you need to be with me.. I know you so well - no one else could handle you. --- yeah right, well I've changed too.