08/06/06

Cranky Pants
What is it about this time of year? It's been cool, rainy, traffic has been horrible this week and I arrive at work already cranky and exhausted. I've been feeling depressed and mopey. I'm stuck between sandals and boots with nothing to wear. I've gained back 6 pounds and all I do at work is eat. And I blew off the gym 2 days in a row. And I'm paying for TWO gyms... and one is about 200 steps from my office!!!My favorite quote is "all men live lives of quiet desperation.." Now that extends to women too, I suppose. Certainly applies to me lately.

I look at the job ads and nothing appeals to me, if I even qualify... and for most of them, I do not. I get a ton of sales, marketing and IT related postings every day and there's not one in the bunch I want to apply for. I can't differentiate myself out of the 2000 resumes that each company will receive. I have no tech certifications and I truly have no ambition to get them. If I had them I could get a much better job. Too much work. I just don't want to put myself out anymore. I've been so even and happy for the last few years that I wonder if the Zoloft is losing it's effectiveness. I don't have SAD, like Eric does... I know winter sucks, but I usually have a more cheery outlook regardless of the weather.

This week has kind of reminded me of how I used to feel all the time... just kind of a low level of moroseness that had no basis. This week has just really drained me. At work, I know how my day is going to go, more or less, no surprises. Yesterday we were short THREE people. It was a joke. Mike brought his new baby home yesterday and still worked from home. I try my hardest but I have no particular interest in working my ass off... I say I can quit any time I want to. But I like helping my callers, and have gotten to know a lot of them now, and some of them have made nice comments on our survey.

Tonight I saw Alan online and I sent him an IM... I don't think he loves that but you know, I was hoping he'd call but when 10 PM rolled around I was beginning to wonder. I figured he was watching the sox and pats. I didn't even know where he was. He is of course at his mothers. He said that as usual, he was exhausted after a long day of weeding and running around for his mother. He said that he was going to look up some things to do this weekend and then call me.
I said that's nice because I don't like having to beg my boyfriend to call me.... Am I wierd for wanting to talk to him during the week?????

He has told me about these other annoying women he used to date, and I don't think I'm like them, but I think the things that drive me mad are pretty reasonable requests... Why am I keeping this journal online? I have no idea...I just copy it into my diary anyway.... none of my long time friends know anything about livejournal, or blogs myspace, or - LOL - even how to upload photos... I guess I've just got the geek gene... Amaze and impress your friends!!!!!

Current Location: homeCurrent Mood: moroseCurrent Music: tv in background